what makes me to cry….

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
-C.S. Lewis

Honestly, when I hear quotes like the one above, it makes me feel like crying. It makes me feel like crying because I hear how hard it is to live this out. I feel like one of my biggest ‘crosses’ to carry so far in my life has been to learn how to forgive. I have been through things that feel like forgiving a person would feel as though God were asking me to rip my heart out. I know that sounds dramatic but it is true for me. I have been there in prayer, lamenting to God, ‘it’s too hard….help me. I feel You are asking me to do the impossible. Please forgive me….help me…..help me to do this.” It seems God takes me through situation after situation these last few years where I have to learn to forgive. I have to learn to forgive when forgiving doesn’t make sense. I have to learn to forgive in the face of pain,betrayal, loss, and lack of understanding. I am still learning this and when I think about–which is just about every day, I hear my heart cry, “Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy.” I pray one day I will be able to fully pray with confidence “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”


One Response

  1. I could so relate to this posting.

    Sometimes I just have to begin with the DESIRE to find forgiveness and then turn the rest over to God. I say in prayer “I want to be obedient to this principle of forgiveness. Please soften my heart, and teach my how.”

    Then I just keep praying for however long it takes. For the really big betrayals, that may be years. But so long as I am not holding on to grudges with smug self righteousness – as long as I am fully acknowledging my desire to completely forgive even in the absence of achieving it I feel like I’m on the right track.

    Clearly, I’ve still got a ways to go myself in this area.

    Many blessings to you on your Chrisimation.

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